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Post 2 for the year. ;)

Wow, look at me go, 2 days in a row!  It's a miracle. LOL

Well, I was thinking this morning that it's time for a change.  Not entirely sure what that means but I know it has to do with me, obviously.

They say a tiger can't change it's stripes.  Which is true, but maybe it can dye them a different color or change styles.  A small change can make a big difference.

A fractured mind is what I have.  And I think I'm missing pieces.   Some I have swept under the rug on purpose.

I have been waiting forever to be part of an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.  And I got my wish with Jesus Christ Superstar, until it became a chore instead of a fun thing to do.  I've been looked over so often that I hoped with the time and effort I had put into the show thus far my efforts would be rewarded.  Instead I am still looked over.  I keep thinking I'm being petty and whiny but just sitting there watching everyone else on stage doing what I want to do and can't is just too painful.  So I dropped.  I hate quitting.  I hate knowing that I have been bested again.  That I let them win.  But when I left yesterday even though it hurt like hell, I felt I made the right decision.

I got some good news though, my parents sold their house and will hopefully be moving closer soon!  We'll see where life takes them now.

But on a sad note, my poor old dog is fading and fading fast.   It doesn't look like he's eating, not since Sunday night.  And he just stands there hanging his head.  It looks like he wants to lie down but to do so would be too difficult so he just stands there.  He'll be 11 next month, I just hope he feels better soon but its been a rough year for him. 

We'll see tonight is school for me is still an option, well with financial aid anyway.  I've messed that up too.  I don't know why I such a problem with school when I love to learn.  It has to be something with responsibility and expectations of me.  I just don't know why I run away screaming when either one comes close to me.  Perhaps somewhere in my messed up mind I fail on purpose so that no one will give them too me.  Oh well.

Anyway, looking forward to getting Prince of Persia and Linkin Park tonight!  Yeah!

Hmm, maybe it shouldn't be a surprise as to why my mind can't focus when so much is going on in life.  But life isn't exactly something that ever slows down, so perhaps that's just wishful thinking.

Well, we'll see if I make it back here tomorrow.  If not, see ya next year!

~Ari :D

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